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.Race Report Generator ..... |
. E-Z 2 Use |
As you may have read last month, I'm not writing race reports any more. However, as a community service, I've created this race report generator. Just select any of the phrases, as I'm sure they will all happen sometime during the year... We got to the track (late at night / early in the morning / in spite of a flat tire). The guy working the guard shack was (friendly / drunk / looking at my dogs with a little too much lust in his eyes). This month was (hot / cold / windy as all fuck). We found a parking spot (ideally located / riddled with oil and safety wire / downwind from the House of Charmin). We unhitched and (looked for friends to chat with / took some time out to discuss the craftsmanship that went into the paper wristbands / cried because we forgot to pack the bikes). During practice, I rode like (a skilled surgeon / an impotent, club-footed wildebeast / a squid-shaming squid). My times were (way up / same as always / so low the timer must be wrong). When the new racer school went out on track I (thought fondly of the day when I narrowly made the two-minute cut-off / snuck out with them / finished off my second six-pack of Milwaukee's finest). During the lunch break I (ate half of Chris's tri-tip sandwich / ate one mustard and three sugar packets / had even more of Milwaukee's finest). After a full day of practice we (walked the dogs / prepped the bikes for race day / took our trick "Biker Boyz" moves onto the public streets). On race day I woke up (when the alarm went off / hungover and smelling like catfish / because Chris was shouting "Ride it, Bertha!" while asleep). On our way to the track, we stopped off at Burger King to (get breakfast / let the dogs crap in their parking lot / laugh at people who've been up since 5:00 am.) After getting teched, we (did practice / skipped practice / fell back asleep). When the riders' meeting was called, we (hurried over / took our sweet time / hid under the van until everyone left the area and then resumed our poker game). Before a race I always feel (like a million bucks / somewhat nervous / manic-depressive with a twist of homocidal). When the green flag dropped, I (got the holeshot / bogged the start / realized my helmet was on backwards). In my race I finished (on the podium / mid-pack / dead fucking last, but I would never admit to it). Against my fellow competitors, I (diced it up / hacked them like an asshole / took out three of them with a simple lowside). This made me feel (alive / tired / sheepish). When I got back to the pits, a racer sought me out and (congratulated me on a great battle / accused me of unsportsmanlike conduct / handed my tail section back to me). I asked the guy how it felt (during the spirited dice / to have more horsepower than skill / to have my tail section hit him in the head). He told me that (I had a great line / I had the line of someone obviously sight impaired / I shouldn't use elastic hair bands to hold down my tailsection). I (thanked him / sprayed WD-40 in his hair and told him all the cool guys were doing it / explained that I could say no more without my attorney present). When the day was over we (packed up the trailer / paid someone to pack up the trailer / packed up the trailer and drove off without it). As always, it was another race weekend (of jolly good fun / of character-building hard work / in which the money spent would've paid half the mortgage). Until next month, (arrivederci / adi�s / Auf Wiedersehen / au revoir / I hope I can remember your name). |
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