. The Perils of "Monster Ass" ... |
. Ouch |
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Are you a Monster owner? Think it would be great to toss the wifey on the back and go for a spin? Let me show you why this is a bad idea. |
| This is more or less what your wife's ass looks like when you first start out. Both cheeks are on the seat. Weight distribution is good. The owner of said cheeks speaks nary a bad word about the situation. Okay, you're set to roll. |
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After about 30 minutes of riding, something starts to happen. Your wife will begin to notice a sloping sensation in the seat. She will say to herself, "Mmmmm, the seat looked pretty flat when we started. But, you know, I'm starting to feel some discomfort. I actually feel some pressure points on my butt right now. I wonder if a quart of ice cream was too much to eat by myself last night." |
| An hour into the trip, your wife will start shifting around behind you. She is thinking, "Who wedged the triangle up my ass? Why, this seat feels rather like masonry. I'm not having a very good time. I would like to walk home now. Honey, let me off now or I will jam a stick in the spoke and we'll both have to get off. Your choice." |
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So you're given a choice. What do you do? a) Let her off so she can walk. Good riddance. b) Pop her in the helmet and tell her to "Deal with it, bee-yitch." c) Stop at the nearest 7-11 and buy her Ho-Hos to sit on. Yes, the understanding husband chooses c). It's the only Christian thing to do. Next time somebody asks you for a ride on your Monster, be sure to ask how he or she feels about concrete enemas. You'll be surprised how many people will opt to walk that 30 miles home! |
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