August 4, 2025
I figured out what The Tard offers that helps my riding: reduction in
paralysis anxiety. I rode The Tard and the 749 back-to-back and I was overly
aware of the fact that on the 749 my head was running point. On The Tard, when I
went through turns I felt like I was offering the entire bike to the crash gods
first; if they weren't satiated by 390 lbs of metal then they could try to come
after the remaining 120 lbs of bone and soft tissue. It felt the other way
around on the 749, like I was telling them to first feast on my brain and spinal
cord. It felt all wrong. Yes, this is completely mental and I should be able to
ride both bikes equally as well, but it's quite human � some of you will argue
"quite female" � to be unreasonable. So there you have it: Fear and Lack of
Reason make the Hypermotard the superior bike. That might have to become the new
Pirate Monkey Cult motto: "Veni. Vidi. Vici. Vix
vici debeo a Fear and Lack of Reason."
"We came. We saw. We conquered. We barely conquered due to Fear and Lack of Reason."
If nothing, PMC members are honest about their shortcomings. Only those
doomed to shallowness and undeserved corporate success ignore their
shortcomings.
August 2, 2025
I took the bike to work. It's not bad as a commuter. It's higher strung than the
Monster so I have to stay lower in the revs or else the bike lurches like it's
being goosed. The clamshell mirrors are a little bit of a problem lanesplitting
because they stick out so far, so I have to be ready to pull one or both sides
in if I don't think I'm going to clear the cars. On surface streets it's
guaranteed that I'll have to pull them in; I rarely clip car mirrors on my
Monster, but I've already done it on The Tard. The good thing, though, is that
they collapse in so easily it didn't make the horrifying "thunk" colliding
mirrors normally do. If I do much commuting on this bike I'm going to have to
get stalk-mounting mirrors because all this folding and unfolding of mirrors is
too distracting.
I vascillate between whether or not the bike is too high for me. I'm on my toes,
which can feel sketchy depending on the situation. Today I went to put my foot
down on some crosswalk paint and it felt close to slipping out. I'm not the first to own a
Hypermotard, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be the first to take a knife to
it.
The position makes carrying a heavy laptop in a backpack agreeable. Instead of
being leaned forward and having the weight fatigue my upper body, the backpack
can rest on the seat behind me like a passenger. This is something that might
not bother you brawny guys, but it bugs me a lot.
July 28, 2025
I'll tell you the truth: During my wait for the Hypermotard I hardly thought about it. I
put the down on it because my ex-boss had an idea for an HM project and it would've benefitted
me to have one, but the project didn't come to fruition, so I ended up having a
down on it.
I got a call the other week from Josh at GP Motorcycles that it was in. Well,
it's nice that it was in and I was going to enjoy meeting it at last, but I was
still a little indifferent. I already had a stable of under-ridden bikes and
another one just seemed yuppie-ishly stupid (we can talk about all my bikes and
what I must be overcompensating for some other day). My underwhelming plan was to pick it up, bring it home,
stare at it some, and maybe take it out the following weekend. I view myself as a Monster girl — how
could I have more fun on a bike than one I've purchased three times over? Well, the answer is:
"Along came The Tard."
When I rode it away from GP, it was like my fun-loving DRZ, but bulked up on exotic
growth hormones and bassier from metal testicles at long last descended. What
hunkiness! What virility!
I had canceled a ride that morning with Britt and John-Mark when work kept me up
until 2:00 am. Even though it was already noon and I figured they were long
gone, I called anyways just to see if they were around. John-Mark answered his
phone and said that he'd just woken up because he had been working on his bike
until 3:00 am. Serendipity! It was my destiny to straddle The Tard that day!
We hooked up and headed out to Mt. Laguna. At first I felt like I was on a turbo
high chair. Sitting so erectly meant I wasn't looking out over my handlebar or
instrument cluster; there was a strange sense of nothingness in front of me.
Although the DRZ is not all that different in seating style, I've never taken it
out onto the freeway for more than a few miles so going 90+ on a high chair was
new for me. The wind blast was evident, but it didn't seem a whole lot worse
than the Monster's. In fact, if I pushed myself way back in the seat and
slouched, there was a quiet "eye of the hurricane" zone. Going into full tuck
also helped, but it wasn't as comfortable of a position as on the Monster since
my elbows couldn't rest on my knees. How much wind blast will disturb you
depends on what you normally ride. If you're not used to a naked bike, you'll
probably not like the continued sensation of being shoved.
The first real test came on Sunrise Highway. I hadn't gone on a
canyon ride in a couple of months so I wasn't sure how much my "hero" skills
might've atrophied. The first few curves seemed strangely effortless. And then
the next few curves were just as effortless. One turn flowed quickly into
another, into another. Could it be? Yes: This bike rides
itself! No skills required. You only need show up and the bike does all that
filthy turning work for you! I was going as fast as I did on my Monster but I was
processing a lot less information to achieve it. The road seemed half again as
wide. Did sitting up high help me look through the turns, like they always tell you to? Maybe. I also wasn't hanging off so I think I was countersteering more. It'll take a few more rides to quantify what I'm doing that's so different. Perhaps I was just having some first-date fun and I'll revert to my more cautious self the next time out.
The Marzocchi forks and the Ohlins shock were fine in their out-of-box
settings. I'll need to set the bike up for my weight, but at least the stock settings weren't sending me skittering over bumps. The bike is equipped with radial brakes that I call the "Daydreamer
2000 Series" because they work so well, you can mentally check out and just when you're about to eat shit into the back of stopped car, you give a nice little squeeze and forward motion is DONE. My grandmother used to always tell me, "Technology is greatest when it compensates for human deficiencies." I
know she had these brakes in mind.
November 12, 2025
The $500
Hypermotard downpayment has been given to GP Motorcycles. Now I wait.
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